We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
