I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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