This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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