So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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