I wannas sexs uuuuu
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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