Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I know her cup size but not her name....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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