I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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