Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
