the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
wow bdsm is so cute
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize