Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
