I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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