if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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