i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
