We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize