Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
