At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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