This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
