just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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