man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
