I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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