a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i believe in u and ur pee
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
PANTIES FOUND
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
