my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
