Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I cockslap morals
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
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