That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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