What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
