ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just found puke in my bra..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
