then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize