it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
