matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
