HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
