Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
