Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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