I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I stole a fireplace last night.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
