Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
