She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
