I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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