i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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