That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
