oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
