the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He kissed a someone with a penis
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
