fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
