I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
