This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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