dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
