Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
