Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
