I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize