he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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