can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize