Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize