Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
