So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Randomize
