butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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