Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm always down for nudity.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
