Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
