I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
