Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I can text with my tongue
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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