got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
