Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
