if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
