U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
