Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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