drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
