wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
one might say we're banned from that church
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
