Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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