One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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