Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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