a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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