Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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