I puked a lego.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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