i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize