Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
