Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize