uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
