i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
