things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
