Someone shit on the floor
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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