NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
