My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
