This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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