I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
