I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We are all done wearing pants today
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
