Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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