why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
false alarm. still invincible.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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