yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
