she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can you bring me the toilet please
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
