I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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