I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
